The Dept. of the Environment is to press for legislation that will allow individuals to trade in a personal carbon footprint market (PCFM). A spokesperson said that people with high carbon footprints, such as frequent international fliers, may offset their carbon use against others who undertake an agreement to spend their holidays at home with the lights off. This could provide a valuable income for the long-term unemployed, since this is what they do anyway. It may even allow those who are particularly unemployable, and clinically depressed, to be moved out of the state benefit system, or ‘Thrown onto the Scrap Heap’ as it’s technically known.
Similarly, people who exercise regularly, perhaps driving to the gym in a Hummer, will be able to purchase part of the carbon foorprint of others, who will hold their breath for as long as possible at regular and pre-determined intervals. One city analyst said, ‘We’re very excited - a significant profit could be made by anyone willing to drift into an occasional light coma.’
Critics of the proposed legislation claim that the scheme is a missed opportunity. They suggest that as methane is a much more powerful greenhouse gas, vegetarians, curry eaters and heavy beer drinkers should be able to buy the methane allowance of individuals who are prepared to repress their flatulence for long periods, such as newsreaders, those on first dates and Her Royal Highness the Queen.
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